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Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast

Square Roots is like a book club, but for classic RPGs! Each episode John, Matthew, Jim and Vanessa play through another chunk of one of your favorite RPGs, from Final Fantasy through Chrono Trigger. Are they experts? No. Are they qualified? Absolutely not. Are they good at RPGs? Probably not. But they're the fun kind of dumb, and that's what counts.
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Now displaying: 2020

THE Classic RPG Podcast, w/Jim Banks, John Brandon, Matthew Van Zandt & Vanessa

May 4, 2020

Okay, okay, so we played about 45 minutes of Final Fantasy X-2. And then talked about it for an hour and a half. In our defense 1: it's bonkers 2: they don't clearly establish how the planning and promotion of this concert was handled 3: we also watched the Eternal Calm interequel which was like eight minutes long.

This Week: We finish... the Prologue... in Final Fantasy X-2!
Next Week: We finish Chapter 1!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Lacey Johnson for her awesome cover of Real Emotion! Links to the video and the Lacey Johnson Music youtube channel are in the show notes!

Her cover of Real Emotion is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ShobaHnnNA
Her YouTube channel is here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbCH-MrX96ePsINodggx0iA

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Apr 27, 2020

So much to talk about! We digest what the sudden ending of Final Fantasy VII means, shout SEPHIROTH a whole bunch, interpret the meaning of Lady and the Tiger, talk more about chocobo breeding, dismiss the concept of noses, and strongly consider headcanonning sequels out of existence.

This Week: We finish Final Fantasy VII?!
Next Week: We finish Chapter 1 in Final Fantasy X-2!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Tetrimino for letting us use their fantastic mix of J-E-N-O-V-A and Birth of a God!

Check out Tetrimino on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/TetriminoVGBand
Tetrimino on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TetriminoVGBand
Search for Tetrimino on Patreon as TetriminoVGBand!

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Apr 20, 2020

You know, going in and out, like a drain snake does. Also: all your favorite 90s jams, Matthew's Head Shop, it takes a busty woman to know a busty woman, Rufus's explodes, Reeve's Reeveal, Tifa and Cloud have sex, and a weapon walks very very slowly.

This Week: We fight Hojo!
Next Week: We finish Final Fantasy VII?!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Tetrimino for letting us use their fantastic mix of J-E-N-O-V-A and Birth of a God!

Check out Tetrimino on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/TetriminoVGBand
Tetrimino on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TetriminoVGBand
Search for Tetrimino on Patreon as TetriminoVGBand!

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Apr 13, 2020

Tifa pushes Cloud straight into the Lifestream in this exposition-packed episode! So much happens! A great train robbery! A submarine chase! A fight against a Mecha Godzilla! Locky Tugglebug! Felicity explodes with Cloverfield eggs! Johnny gets angry about Dante's Peak! Meat Dave! And of course Giant Fetal Position Cloud.

This Week: We ride on a rocket!
Next Week: We fight Hojo!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Tetrimino for letting us use their fantastic mix of J-E-N-O-V-A and Birth of a God!

Check out Tetrimino on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/TetriminoVGBand
Tetrimino on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TetriminoVGBand
Search for Tetrimino on Patreon as TetriminoVGBand!

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Apr 6, 2020

THE THING HAPPENS. The thing! You know! SNOWBOARDING. Also? We try and figure out if Cloud is a 5 year old clone. About three hours of cut scenes. Sephiroth and Hojo tell you stuff that may or may not be true. Jim remembers a fish that possibly doesn't exist. The clown reunion. Don't worry, the Planet is monitoring the situation.

This Week: We finish our first visit to THE CRATER.
Next Week: We ride on a rocket!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Tetrimino for letting us use their fantastic mix of J-E-N-O-V-A and Birth of a God!

Check out Tetrimino on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/TetriminoVGBand
Tetrimino on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TetriminoVGBand
Search for Tetrimino on Patreon as TetriminoVGBand!

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Apr 1, 2020

Hi friends!

Everyone wants to talk about Final Fantasy 7, and our episodes have been running real long, so have a mailbag episode! Topics include: belts and suspenders, Tifa, dreams about smooching celebrities, ranking various Final Fantasy games, and so much more!

Mar 30, 2020

This episode is just chock full of bonkers moments from a very, very bonkers JRPG. Questions include: was Genesis Rhapsodos a member of Organization XII? Was Palmer Final Destination'd? Can a plane be a boat? What's an upstairs and downstairs treasure, really? Why does Aeris hide behind trees so badly? AND SO MANY MORE.

This Week: We complete the Temple of the Ancients!
Next Week: We finish our first visit to THE CRATER.

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Tetrimino for letting us use their fantastic mix of J-E-N-O-V-A and Birth of a God!

Check out Tetrimino on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/TetriminoVGBand
Tetrimino on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TetriminoVGBand
Search for Tetrimino on Patreon as TetriminoVGBand!

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Mar 23, 2020

This week on a big, large, huge episode of Square Roots we ask: what happened to our first recording of this episode? Who doesn't love the pep? Why don't we all go to the Gun Arm Emporium? Who is better than Bette Midler? Will you smash like and subscribe on a lifestream livestream? Which Paul Verhoeven movie is the best? What even is Cait Sith?

This Week: We find the secret of Cosmo Canyon!
Next Week: We complete the Temple of the Ancients!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Tetrimino for letting us use their fantastic mix of J-E-N-O-V-A and Birth of a God!

Check out Tetrimino on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/TetriminoVGBand
Tetrimino on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TetriminoVGBand
Search for Tetrimino on Patreon as TetriminoVGBand!

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Mar 18, 2020

Hey! We're all having a pretty rough month so this special episode of Scare Roots was brought back from the deeeeeeeeead. Johnny, Jim and Doctor Steve Stone play through this terrifying tale of mankind's hubris!

We hope you like it.

Mar 16, 2020

Matthew is on assignment for this chunker as we dig down into mid section of Disc 1. How long is this disc anyhow? Features of this chunker include: stealing from baby birds, a bit of Barret's back story, a chocobo dance number, Jim's Summon Review Corner, and possibly the worst minigame of all time.

This Week: We reach North Coral and prep to get on the Gold Saucer tram!
Next Week: We find the secret of Cosmo Canyon!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Tetrimino for letting us use their fantastic mix of J-E-N-O-V-A and Birth of a God!

Check out Tetrimino on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/TetriminoVGBand
Tetrimino on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TetriminoVGBand
Search for Tetrimino on Patreon as TetriminoVGBand!

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Mar 9, 2020

Final Fantasy VII Part 3 - That's Mrs. Eyeball Nipple

Another great debate: Does Jenova has an eyeball or nipple? On this week's episode: we do a terrible climing section, a million puzzle rooms, climb some stairs, DRIVE A MOTORCYCLE UP AND DOWN SOME STAIRS, meet the wonderful Mr. Palmer, Vanessa develops feelings for Reeve, meet a puppycat, and Johnny gets heckled. Also: Sephiroth's Martha moment.

This Week: We escape Midgar and head to Kalm!
Next Week: We reach North Coral and prep to get on the Gold Saucer tram.

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Tetrimino for letting us use their fantastic mix of J-E-N-O-V-A and Birth of a God!

Check out Tetrimino on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/TetriminoVGBand
Tetrimino on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TetriminoVGBand
Search for Tetrimino on Patreon as TetriminoVGBand!

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Mar 2, 2020

IT'S THE WALL MARKET! THE BEST CHUNKER OF ANY JRPG EVER! In this episode: Cloud explores his gender identity and sexuality, we witness the death of the Cat Slide, Tseng politely attempts to kidnap Aeris, Vanessa's custom lockers in the Square Roots house, and Daddy's So Lonely.

This Week: We escape the destruction of Sector 7!
Next Week: We escape Midgar and head to Kalm!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Tetrimino for letting us use their fantastic mix of J-E-N-O-V-A and Birth of a God!

Check out Tetrimino on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/TetriminoVGBand
Tetrimino on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TetriminoVGBand
Search for Tetrimino on Patreon as TetriminoVGBand!

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Feb 24, 2020

TWO HUNDRED EPISODES! How do we celebrate? By getting all nostalgic for the blocky lil' LEGO friends of Final Fantasy VII! In this chunker: President Shinra negs Cloud, we ride a pinball machine, Tifa has many outfits, Johnny tries to decipher all of Cloud's bizarre flashes and flashbacks, and body pillow requests!

This Week: We blow up the Sector 5 reactor and get to the Wall Market in Final Fantasy VII!
Next Week: We escape the destruction of Sector 7!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Tetrimino for letting us use their fantastic mix of J-E-N-O-V-A and Birth of a God!

Check out Tetrimino on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/TetriminoVGBand
Tetrimino on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TetriminoVGBand
Search for Tetrimino on Patreon as TetriminoVGBand!

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Feb 17, 2020

What happens if you leave Vanessa and Johnny alone to wrap up a game? Over two and a half hours of a two-fister, that's what happens. We can't be trusted to keep on track, so not only do we work through the last eight or so hours of Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords but somehow also get into Vanessa's vague recollections of Yaddle's expanded unvierse backstory, we spend way too long googling Ed Asner's resume, talk about the merits and drawbacks of the idealism of The West Wing, and we find out that Vanessa can't do a Wookie impression at all.

This Week: "We" finish KOTOR 2!
Next Week: We blow up the Sector 5 reactor and get to the Wall Market in Final Fantasy VII!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Feb 10, 2020

NEXT GAME ANNOUNCED! It's a Johnny and Vanessa two-fister in this odd chunker of Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords. First of all, we research Alanis's financial situation, Johnny plots out his own edit of How I Met Your Mother while forgetting the name of Jason (?) Segal (?), and then we get into the Super Secret Cave of Secrets (AKA a Luke Cave), go on a guided tour of the Sith Ruins, answer some SAT questions and restore a hereditary monarchy. Now go get that definitely not evil Kreia a burrito.

This Week: We finish Korriban and return to Onderon!
Next Week: We finish KOTOR 2!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Feb 3, 2020

It's an Election Year on Onderon in Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic! We've got some disturbingly familiar candidates, as well as Mandalorians to team up with, a mystery to not solve, a sexy pleasure yacht to board, and so much more!

This Week: We complete the Yacht and leave Onderon with Mandalore!
Next Week: We finish Korriban and return to Onderon!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Jan 27, 2020

In this exciting episode of Square Roots we visit Nar Shaddaa and find a couple of will they - won't they bounty hunters, Jellicle Katt fails to find a lightsaber, meet a bat boy, murder the entire Exchange, swap characters about fifty times, discuss the merits of charity, find out Atton's naughty truth, and so much more!

This Week: We leave Nar Shaddaa for Goto's Sexy Pleasure Yacht!
Next Week: We complete the Yacht and leave Onderon with Mandalore!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Jan 20, 2020

We get a bunch of annoying cold calls from corporate folks and faith healers, Jim once again fails to get dark or light side points, we got a lot of phone calls, teach a droid to lie, Revanites versus Revanchists, and Matt starts his feud with Skimbleshanks!

This Week: We fly out of Telos back in the ol' Ebon Hawk!
Next Week: We leave Nar Shaddaa for Goto's Sexy Pleasure Yacht

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Jan 13, 2020

This episode requires an extended list of apologies: apologies to Beaumont Kin fans, Dominic Monaghan, fans of Outer Wilds, Baby Yoda, Obsidian, BioWare, Bacta afficianados, Timothy Omundson and so many more.

This Week: We fly out of Peragus II in Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords!
Next Week: We fly out of Telos back in the ol' Ebon Hawk!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Jan 6, 2020

On this action-packed Yakuza finale we: celebrate Matthew's return from dangerous lands unknown; enjoy Square Roots's first Triple Jump In Front Of Bullets; question whether or not Johnny has actually seen the new Star Wars; see how many people can die in front of Haruka; organize our mobs politely and SO MUCH MORE!

This Week: We finish Yakuza!
Next Week: We fly out of Peragus II in Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Vincent Moretto for his metal cover of Receive You, and to Esseph for his chipmunk cover of Rouge of Love!

Vincent Moretto's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/HaarasNC
Esseph's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-D8BJOzISnb01I5YiCKi-Q

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

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