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Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast

Square Roots is like a book club, but for classic RPGs! Each episode John, Matthew, Jim and Vanessa play through another chunk of one of your favorite RPGs, from Final Fantasy through Chrono Trigger. Are they experts? No. Are they qualified? Absolutely not. Are they good at RPGs? Probably not. But they're the fun kind of dumb, and that's what counts.
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Now displaying: Category: video games

THE Classic RPG Podcast, w/Jim Banks, John Brandon, Matthew Van Zandt & Vanessa

Oct 26, 2020

In this dragon-fighting episode of Square Roots, we finish Disc 1 of Squaresoft's Chrono Cross. Also: Jim describes a movie that cannot possibly exist, we try to guess who is in a werewolf movie, we see a dripping wet Time Twink, and Vanessa reminds you not to put too many worms before your cart, because they'll get squished.


This Week: We finish Disc 1!
Next Week: We finish the game!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com


Thanks to RichaadEB for letting us use their cover of Scars of Time!

Find Richaad on Youtube: youtube.com/richaadeb
Twitter: @richaadEB
Patreon: RichaadEB

Oct 19, 2020

On this reality-warping episode of Square Roots, things get... complicated in Square's Chrono Cross. First of all: we're deep in Disc 3 crazy and it's just disc 1. Also: cookin' up enemies, how this game is just like Sleepaway Camp, and trying to determine what the Chrono Trigger of Chrono Trigger is.


This Week: We reach the second dragon!
Next Week: We finished Disc 1!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Thanks to RichaadEB for letting us use their cover of Scars of Time!

Find Richaad on Youtube: youtube.com/richaadeb
Twitter: @richaadEB
Patreon: RichaadEB

Oct 12, 2020

Finally, we catch up with Masamune, everyone's favorite zany fellas, except now they're a sword and it's depressing. Also discussed: Nikki is a quarter fish, Scandinavian UwU, the ramifications of Vegas, and how Lynx has broken every human law.


This Week: We fight Garai on the Isle of the Damned!
Next Week: We reach the second dragon!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Thanks to RichaadEB for letting us use their cover of Scars of Time!
Find Richaad on Youtube: youtube.com/richaadeb
Twitter: @richaadEB
Patreon: RichaadEB

Oct 5, 2020

We're back in the original timeline in Chrono Cross, but that doesn't stop things from getting real trippy and weird. We meet a frog dragon, there's a terrifying fairy genocide, recruit an oWo, and plunge into Fort Dragonia. Also: Jim debates Matthew on rip-off versus homage, we fill out our JRPG bingo cards, and we maybe even start enjoying this game.

This Week: We clear out Fort Dragonia!
Next Week: We fight Garai on the Isle of the Damned!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Thanks to RichaadEB for letting us use their cover of Scars of Time!
Find Richaad on Youtube: youtube.com/richaadeb
Twitter: @richaadEB
Patreon: RichaadEB

Sep 28, 2020

In this episode, we get all exploded by time. Especially Jim. So much Jim. Have you ever heard Jim mad? You will today. Because Jim found out what happened to the Epoch.


This Week: We either get to the beach in the Original timeline, or recruit Glenn in the alternate timeline.
Next Week: We clear out Fort Dragonia!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com
Thanks to RichaadEB for letting us use their cover of Scars of Time!
Find Richaad on Youtube: youtube.com/richaadeb
Twitter: @richaadEB
Patreon: RichaadEB

Sep 21, 2020

We start everyone's favorite sequel to Chrono Trigger: Chrono Cross! Finally we catch up with our favourite pals, Chrono, Lucca, Frog, Robo, and see what they're doing, right? Right? After a while? We assume this is some kind of Final Fantasy XII start with temporary characters before switching to your favorites. Also: Johnny ruminates on a Bolero jacket, there's way too much PUBG talk, Kid falls out of a regional Christmas Carol performance, and Vanessa is very excited about a Sliders scenario.


This Week: We get to Termina in Chrono Cross!
Next Week: We either get to the beach in the Original timeline, or recruit Glenn in the alternate timeline.


Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com
Thanks to RichaadEB for letting us use their cover of Scars of Time!

Find Richaad on Youtube: youtube.com/richaadeb
Twitter: @richaadEB
Patreon: RichaadEB

Sep 14, 2020

VANESSA DOESN'T KNOW WHO CAPTAIN TOAD THE TREASURE TRACKER IS AND THAT IS INSANE. Also this week, as we finish Nintendo's Mario + Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story on 3DS, we talk about Luigi's glistening mustache, peeling down your Karibo, inflation, and finally Matthew locks Sam Elliott outside.

This Week: We finish the game!
Next Week: We get to Termina in Chrono Cross!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/


Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Sep 7, 2020

Kuzzle. *teehee*

In this chunker of Bowser's Inside Story, Vanessa makes a shocking discovery: no one was exaggerating Luigi's treatment by the saucy Wisdurm. Also this chunker: Bowser learns to Body Slam, Mario finds a Star Cure, and finally, finally we see what's inside Bowser's Brain.
This Week: We enter Bowser's BRAIN!
Next Week: We finish the game!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Aug 31, 2020

Either Bill Paxton or Bill Pullman shows up as well in this star-studded episode of Square Roots! We continue with Nintendo's Bowser's Inside Story and stumble over Jesse's Girl 2, fail a whole bunch of minigames, find a kink Johnny doesn't want to talk about, Bowserimi Battles the Tower Robot, and we realize that this used to be a family podcast.

This Week: We defeat the Tower of Yikk!
Next Week: We enter Bowser's BRAIN!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Aug 24, 2020

There's no way that things could get weird in this chunker of Bowser's Inside Story where Bowser eats his vegetables, right? Sam Elliott would disagree, and he is here to guide Vanessa through a world of forbidden pleasure. So much is learned. Johnny might stomp on a model city. Matthew comes out as a finsub. ALSO THERE IS NO BODY SWAPPING IN FATHER OF THE BRIDE VANESSA

This Week: Bowser eats too much at the buffet.
Next Week: We find out what a Boo-Ray machine is.

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast


Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/



Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Aug 17, 2020

This week we start Nintendo's DS / 3DS Mario Brothers RPG! Just a heads up, we may mention vore a few times. And inflation. And squirting. Splashing. Squishing. So many S-Words.

This Week: We defeat Broque Monsieur's wonderful Broggie.
Next Week: We get trapped in Toad Town!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Aug 13, 2020

Hi friends! There was an accident at the podcast factory, but instead of only mouth-cutting corn puffs, this podcast is entirely* listener produced!

Special thanks to:

Gabe Kleinart
Julian Titus and the Nerds Without Pants podcast
G Bailey
Zombie Rogers
Dr. Fine Say Everyone's Name
Andrew Weyant

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to GillStudio for letting us use their cover of Time To Make History!
Check out GillStudio on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/gillstudio
Check out GillStudio on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/2CwnLwt
Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

*there are occasional host interruptions

Aug 10, 2020

There's so much here. There's Lady Spawn. We find like five layers of Marie's secrets. We ask a gas station attendant if they gave us super powers. We get very confused about both the game's mythology and Japanese mythology. There's an endless epilogue. We consider playing Okami to try and figure things out. Jim's arm really hurts.


This Week: We finish the game!
Next Week: We defeat Broque Monsieur's wonderful Broggie.


Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to GillStudio for letting us use their cover of Time To Make History!
Check out GillStudio on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/gillstudio
Check out GillStudio on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/2CwnLwt
Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Aug 3, 2020

[REDACTED] is a really great person, we wish him well. In this episode of Square Roots, we get pretty close to the end of Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 4 Golden. Some highlights: figuring out the right sequence of dialogue choices to get through the game, how it's a piece of cake to bake a pretty cake, and Matthew turns out to be right about something.
This Week: We finish the seventh castle in Persona 4!
Next Week: We finish the game!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to GillStudio for letting us use their cover of Time To Make History!
Check out GillStudio on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/gillstudio
Check out GillStudio on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/2CwnLwt
Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Jul 27, 2020

CW: transphobia

Ooof, we hit a pretty rough part of a game we were otherwise loving. On this chunk of Persona 4 we go to the Amagi Inn, do a concert, have a cultural festival and then there's some real bad pageants. Also: secrets are discovered, villains revealed, and mysteries solved!

This Week: We finish the sixth castle in Persona 4!
Next Week: We finish the seventh castle in Persona 4!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to GillStudio for letting us use their cover of Time To Make History!

Check out GillStudio on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/gillstudio

Check out GillStudio on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/2CwnLwt

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/


Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Jul 20, 2020

Remember, here at Square Roots judging is a spankable offense. On this episode we check out a derailed trans narrative, there's a whole beach episode, we learn about yelling at fireworks, TJ Miller, Johnny has an eggdaster, and of course Teddie: Problematic Queer Icon.


This Week: We finish the fifth castle in Persona 4!
Next Week: We finish the sixth castle in Persona 4!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to GillStudio for letting us use their cover of Time To Make History!

Check out GillStudio on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/gillstudio

Check out GillStudio on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/2CwnLwt

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Jul 13, 2020

On this exciting episde of Square Roots: we conquer the Void Quest dungeon in Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 4 Golden. Topics discussed include: finally meeting the H-est of the T-s, Teddy's human form, trying to articulate Rise's level of fame, and defeating what could literally be called an Angry Gamer Baby.
This Week: We finish the fourth castle in Persona 4!
Next Week: We finish the fifth castle in Persona 4!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to GillStudio for letting us use their cover of Time To Make History!
Check out GillStudio on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/gillstudio
Check out GillStudio on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/2CwnLwt
Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Jul 6, 2020

Will Yosuke's Operation Up Close and Personal come to fruition? Is Hanako the secret best character in the game? Will Jim be able to show up after seeing this virtual strip club? Or will Big Chungus win this battle? We know one thing, at least: everyone is hungry in this enormous episode of Square Roots.


This Week: We finish the third castle in Persona 4!
Next Week: We finish the fourth castle in Persona 4!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to GillStudio for letting us use their cover of Time To Make History!

Check out GillStudio on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/gillstudio

Check out GillStudio on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/2CwnLwt


Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Jun 29, 2020

WHYYYYYYYYYYY? On this week's Square Roots: We delve further into Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 4 and get through Kanji Tatsumi's Rosy Steam Paradise. Also: we have several suggestions for a new US anthem, discover that Kanji is an odd person with some sort of complex, and fight a boss that can only be described as Skullorama-esque.

This Week: We finish the second castle in Persona 4!
Next Week: We finish the third castle in Persona 4!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to GillStudio for letting us use their cover of Time To Make History!

Check out GillStudio on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/gillstudio
Check out GillStudio on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/2CwnLwt

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

 

Jun 22, 2020

Are you the Persona inside him? Who is the H-est of the T's? In this episode we explore Jim's Pee-Shyness, Johnny's Silent Hill bathroom dreams, argue best Persona 4 intro song, start our Nanako Wellness Checking, and talk about Deep Space Nine for what feels like an hour.

This Week: We finish the first castle in Persona 4!
Next Week: We finish the second castle in Persona 4!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Jun 15, 2020

We wrap up Final Fantasy X-2 and have thoughts. Many thoughts. First: Johnny forgets New Kids on the Block. Also: holes. So many holes. Even a math hole! Also: the Vegnagun. Will Tidus enjoy dating New Yuna? Which boy and girl band is which Final Fantasy X-2 character? Why did Johnny and Vanessa get weirdly different endings with Wakka, Lulu, Dona and Barthello?

This Week: We finish the game!
Next Week: We finish the first castle in Persona 4!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Lacey Johnson for her awesome cover of Real Emotion! Links to the video and the Lacey Johnson Music youtube channel are in the show notes!

Her cover of Real Emotion is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ShobaHnnNA
Her YouTube channel is here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbCH-MrX96ePsINodggx0iA

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Jun 8, 2020

Johnny and Vanessa are the only two left powering through Final Fantasy X-2, but Matthew is here for his colour commentary and still can't get past Yojimbo! In this episode: Vanessa has a lot of feelings, Johnny is here for the Ann Rice-iness of the plot twists, and we get to learn more about the secrets of Baralai, Nooj and Gippal!

This Week: We finish Chapter 4!
Next Week: We finish the game!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Lacey Johnson for her awesome cover of Real Emotion! Links to the video and the Lacey Johnson Music youtube channel are in the show notes!

Her cover of Real Emotion is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ShobaHnnNA
Her YouTube channel is here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbCH-MrX96ePsINodggx0iA

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Jun 1, 2020

I know that this podcast is usually a bit tangent-filled, but seriously, we have a hard time sticking to the plot of this mini-game and side-story packed episode. In this episode: Vanessa calls Johnny "P*nis-Having Johnny With A P*nis", Elijah Wood ASMR, Johnny's number one sexy single slow jam "Making People Is Free", the most erotic song from Annie, and we consider the morality of abusing the service Cameo.

This Week: We do the side-quests of Chapter 3!
Next Week: We finish Chapter 4!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Lacey Johnson for her awesome cover of Real Emotion! Links to the video and the Lacey Johnson Music youtube channel are in the show notes!

Her cover of Real Emotion is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ShobaHnnNA
Her YouTube channel is here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbCH-MrX96ePsINodggx0iA

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

May 25, 2020

In this sprawling episode of Square Roots, we have many revelations: She-Ra wasn't made to make Matt attractive, and he's angry about it! Also Seymour did everything because he thought it would be Good and Better, Yuna and friends have to make a fight, we play Pokémon Hot & Cold, and we establish Vampire Parent BEMDAS (or BEDMAS).

This Week: We finish Chapter 2!
Next Week: We do the side-quests of Chapter 3!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Lacey Johnson for her awesome cover of Real Emotion! Links to the video and the Lacey Johnson Music youtube channel are in the show notes!

Her cover of Real Emotion is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ShobaHnnNA
Her YouTube channel is here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbCH-MrX96ePsINodggx0iA

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

May 18, 2020

There's a whole lot of side content, but we're real focused on the sacred Ronso site, Mount Gagazet. which Yuna and friends definitely would not defile. Also this week: we pick a side, Yuna puts on a less great concert, get interviewed on Shelinda TV, Vanessa becomes the only host, and so much more.

This Week: We do the side content of Chapter 2!
Next Week: We finish Chapter 2!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Lacey Johnson for her awesome cover of Real Emotion! Links to the video and the Lacey Johnson Music youtube channel are in the show notes!

Her cover of Real Emotion is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ShobaHnnNA
Her YouTube channel is here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbCH-MrX96ePsINodggx0iA

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

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