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Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast

Square Roots is like a book club, but for classic RPGs! Each episode John, Matthew, Jim and Vanessa play through another chunk of one of your favorite RPGs, from Final Fantasy through Chrono Trigger. Are they experts? No. Are they qualified? Absolutely not. Are they good at RPGs? Probably not. But they're the fun kind of dumb, and that's what counts.
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THE Classic RPG Podcast, w/Jim Banks, John Brandon, Matthew Van Zandt & Vanessa

Apr 24, 2016

Part 4 of our playthrough of Final Fantasy IX opens with some questions: What would a date with Zidane be like? We explore this nightmare possibility, We do some Frog Hunting and pick up the terrifying, H.R. Pufnstuf-alike Quina, a blue mage comic relief character in a game with no real need for either. Fortunately grinding out her blue magic is pretty fun, if you have a FAQ.
John gets confused by the blue X being no and red O being yes when meeting the quiz-master Ragtime Mouse, who is not a mouse but actually is a horrible pair of lips on a spindly body.
Chocobo Hot & Cold makes John really, really angry, but he plays it for a couple of hours anyway because he makes terrible decisions with his life.
We start finding a whole lot of dead Burmecians, rescue some moogles, and then destroy Gizamaluke using a tent as a weapon, which may be the strangest item animation and use ever. Also: don't climb up those vines in the Grotto. Just don't do it. Please. No.
Meanwhile Garnet is a pickle suprise as she's stuffed in a sack like a whole lot of sorries.
Burmecia has been slaughtered, which makes Freya kind of sad, especially since she's all missing her boyfriend. Matt calls her clingy.
But! But! We finally meet Kuja! Is Kuja the most impractically dressed Final Fantasy character or the most impractically dressed male Final Fantasy character? Matthew is surprisingly unphased by this new villain, which disappoints Jim and John immensely.
We wrap up with Squarely Against and questions from you, our listeners! If you'd like us to read your questions about this game, other JRPGs, or advice to help you and your family, especially in tax season.
If you are playing along at home, in this episode we play from leaving Lindblum through Gizamaluke's Grotto until the end of Burmecia. Next time we'll play through until the dark, sketchy city of Treno! See you there.

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