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Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast

Square Roots is like a book club, but for classic RPGs! Each episode John, Matthew, Jim and Vanessa play through another chunk of one of your favorite RPGs, from Final Fantasy through Chrono Trigger. Are they experts? No. Are they qualified? Absolutely not. Are they good at RPGs? Probably not. But they're the fun kind of dumb, and that's what counts.
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Now displaying: March, 2026

THE Classic RPG Podcast, w/Jim Banks, John Brandon, Matthew Van Zandt & Vanessa

Mar 30, 2026

The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening Part 2 - Designated Spider Holes
Square Roots - Episode 506

Hot Gaming Goose: 0:06:20
Quest Log: 0:34:20
Level Up: 1:56:50

No animal crackers in my soup, no lions and tigers loop-de-loop in this thorough anti Best of Shirley Temple episode of the Square Roots podcast. Things get aquatic as we play the Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening, and do both the Catfish Maw and Angler's Temple, as well as finding a home for a ghost and listening to Marin telling us about seagulls.

Also:
• 99 Zoblems
• A Sex Dream Nightmare
• That's the Ooze of Life, My Friends
• Let's Call It a Fern
• Les Ananas Ne Volent Pas


This Week: We complete Catfish's Maw dungeon!
Next Week: Complete the Face Shrine and Eagle's Tower!


Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com 

Mar 23, 2026

The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening Part 1 - PS3 Twink and PS3 Bear
Square Roots - Episode 505

Hot Gaming Goose: 0:03:30
Quest Log: 0:39:00
Level Up: 2:17:15

Starting off our year of All Bangers No Wangers for real, we've got Link's Awakening! It's a vote winner, as chosen by our audience, and we're all getting into Nintendo's classic adventure. Just don't listen to certain hosts when they say the Gameboy is for babies.

Also:
• Worm him! 
• Matt is obsessed with the colour dungeon 
• A Bigger, Hotter Pig Man
• Grandma Yahoo Is Down to Clown
• Pot Mogged


This Week: We complete the Key Cavern in The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening! (Your choice on version!)
Next Week: We complete Catfish's Maw dungeon!


Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com 

Mar 16, 2026

Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 8 - Scoopin' 'Em Up Like Caviar
Square Roots - Episode 504

Hot Gaming Goose: 0:02:44
Quest Log: 0:26:22
Level Up: 1:55:10

You know, it's not usually Vanessa who says the drink-spitting-out most vile thing you've heard on the podcast, but sometimes it is, and treasure these moments. On this fertile episode of Square Roots Podcast we finish Mass Effect Andromeda, and encounter Vanessa's very favourite thing in video games: a hallway full of people telling you how great you are.

Also:
• You Can't Just Rush Into Vampire: The Masquerade: Bloodlines 2
• Evil Vanessa Bones Two Space Sluts
• His Cool Temu Star Lamp
• Go Downtown and Eat It Like A Vulture


This Week: We finish the game AND Liam’s Special Quest! Again! LOAD YOUR SAVE AND PLAY IT AGAIN!
Next Week: We complete the Key Cavern in The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening! (Your choice on version!)


Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com 

Mar 9, 2026

Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 7 - How to Pronounce Yggdrasil 
Square Roots - Episode 503

Hot Gaming Goose: 0:02:55
Quest Log: 0:31:00
Level Up: 1:42:34

Who's to say whether or not trees can grow in space? Only Yggdrasil can. This time on Mass Effect: Andromeda, we have some exciting upside down space ship times! And we get face to face with the big baddie! It's all very dramatic.

Also:
• There are NO Proxy Honks in Hot Gaming Goose
• Sabotage!
• Sloppy Toppy
• 3 Fiends at the SAME TIME
• We All Hit Sweet Ramps

This Week: The last planet, the archon’s ship AND Liam’s Special Quest!
Next Week: We finish the game AND Liam’s Special Quest! Again! LOAD YOUR SAVE AND PLAY IT AGAIN!


Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com 

Mar 2, 2026

Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 6 - Phil Spencer got JobMogged by Asha Sharma
Square Roots - Episode 502

Hot Gaming Goose: 0:03:20
Quest Log: 0:38:40
Level Up: 1:44:45

That's right, he should have been out there skillsmaxxing but that opportunity has been... yeeted? Look, I hate to say this, but I'm 46 and I don't know what any of this means. Johnny finally wraps up Evil Vanessa's story with Reyes, which doesn't quite end with the "consider this a breakup" moment he was hoping for in this chunker of Mass Effect: Andromeda. 

Also:
• All The Mortal Kombat Ice Skating News
• Ladies Before Maybes
• Brain Freezer Burn
• Jorgul Strux
• A Batman Coded Dangle

This Week: Do all the things on Eladaan!
Next Week: The last planet, the archon’s ship  AND Liam’s Special Quest!


Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com 

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