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Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast

Square Roots is like a book club, but for classic RPGs! Each episode John, Matthew, Jim and Vanessa play through another chunk of one of your favorite RPGs, from Final Fantasy through Chrono Trigger. Are they experts? No. Are they qualified? Absolutely not. Are they good at RPGs? Probably not. But they're the fun kind of dumb, and that's what counts.
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THE Classic RPG Podcast, w/Jim Banks, John Brandon, Matthew Van Zandt & Vanessa

Mar 9, 2026

Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 7 - How to Pronounce Yggdrasil 
Square Roots - Episode 503

Hot Gaming Goose: 0:02:55
Quest Log: 0:31:00
Level Up: 1:42:34

Who's to say whether or not trees can grow in space? Only Yggdrasil can. This time on Mass Effect: Andromeda, we have some exciting upside down space ship times! And we get face to face with the big baddie! It's all very dramatic.

Also:
• There are NO Proxy Honks in Hot Gaming Goose
• Sabotage!
• Sloppy Toppy
• 3 Fiends at the SAME TIME
• We All Hit Sweet Ramps

This Week: The last planet, the archon’s ship AND Liam’s Special Quest!
Next Week: We finish the game AND Liam’s Special Quest! Again! LOAD YOUR SAVE AND PLAY IT AGAIN!


Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com 

Mar 2, 2026

Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 6 - Phil Spencer got JobMogged by Asha Sharma
Square Roots - Episode 502

Hot Gaming Goose: 0:03:20
Quest Log: 0:38:40
Level Up: 1:44:45

That's right, he should have been out there skillsmaxxing but that opportunity has been... yeeted? Look, I hate to say this, but I'm 46 and I don't know what any of this means. Johnny finally wraps up Evil Vanessa's story with Reyes, which doesn't quite end with the "consider this a breakup" moment he was hoping for in this chunker of Mass Effect: Andromeda. 

Also:
• All The Mortal Kombat Ice Skating News
• Ladies Before Maybes
• Brain Freezer Burn
• Jorgul Strux
• A Batman Coded Dangle

This Week: Do all the things on Eladaan!
Next Week: The last planet, the archon’s ship  AND Liam’s Special Quest!


Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com 

Feb 23, 2026

Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 5 - No One Wants the Splatter-Waggies
Square Roots - Episode 501

Hot Gaming Goose: 0:02:50
Quest Log: 0:38:40
Level Up: 2:03:55

Siri; is Reyes Elf Slut? This and so many more important facts about Mass Effect: Andromeda are revealed in this exciting installment of the Square Roots Podcast! 

Also:
• I've Seen What Makes You People Clap
• A Genoshian Taskmaster Would Be Awesome (No Psychics Allowed)
• It's a Fun Button 
• Sarissa Explains It All
• Lawn Mower Man Syndrome

This Week: Wrap up Kedara and establish a colony!
Next Week: Eledaan AND Liam’s Special Quest!


Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com 

Feb 16, 2026

The Square Roots Podcast Episode 500 Bonanaza
Square Roots - Episode 500


We break our usual format to celebrate 500 episodes! There's user questions, a game of MURRRRRDLE, Jim's Airing of Grievances, Metacritical Response, and introspective retrospection!


This Week: Listen to our amazing Square Roots Podcast Episode 500!
Next Week: Finish Kanara Port!


Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Feb 9, 2026

Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 4 - Space Docking
Square Roots - Episode 499

Hot Gaming Goose: 0:02:35
Quest Log: 0:31:40
Level Up: 1:57:30

What if the whole of Mass Effect: Andromeda was about solving space crimes? Wouldn't that be cool? Let's pitch it right now: cozy mystery game, but it's about salarians and elcor and it's set on the Citadel.

Also:
• It's Okay To Be Wrong On Accident
• What a Prank
• Vanessa Doesn't Love True Crime
• Milkin' Milken
• The Definition of Ejaculate
• Jim's Nip Slip
• A No Strings Bang

This Week: Do some loyalty and side quests!
Next Week: Kedaara planet stuff! And maybe Eledaan or not guess we’re doing sidequests??


Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com 

Feb 2, 2026

Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 3 - The Princess Protocol
Square Roots - Episode 498

Quest Log: 0:04:00
Level Up: 1:57:00

We finally lock onto our surefire hit Netflix romantic comedy, The Princess Protocol. It's got comedy! Dancing! Intrigue! Getting hit on the head by a coconut! Also we keep playing Mass Effect: Andromeda.

Also:
• The Present of Watching Me Hold This Snorlax
• The Hot Hot Fishman
• A Very Dusky Planet
• Too Many Points!
• It's My Vindication Song Now!


This Week: Finish the Mission "Trail of Hope"
Next Week: Do some loyalty and side quests!


Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com 

Jan 26, 2026

Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 2 - Fable Three King Time Second Half
Square Roots - Episode 497

Quest Log: 0:05:15
Level Up: 2:05:30

I keep hearing Vanessa say "cat" every time she says "Kett" in this action-packed, different timeline navigating BioWare adventure game, Mass Effect: Andromeda. Johnny loves the bouncy car. Jim disappears like a spooky ghost. Matt is bad at sudoku. Vanessa probably wants to marry the AI in her brain.

Also:
• Quit Putting Jared Leto in Movies
* A Beanie and a Henley
* Matt Establishes Masculinity Rules
* Don't Ask About Matt's Poop-ons
* You Can Blow Up A Library And I'd Know Who George Washington Is


This Week: "Johnny, for notes say we’ll play some of trail of hope, not all of it. I haven’t pinpointed yet. But I there’s a point when you can choose which planet to go to first, I went to Vold. So maybe we’ll play Vold."
Next Week: Finish the Mission "Trail of Hope"


Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Jan 19, 2026

Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 1 - Michael Rappaport's Crap Report
Square Roots - Episode 496

Quest Log: 0:37:03
Level Up: 1:44:10

We're playing Mass Effect: Andromeda by BioWare for this year's BioWarey! So let's meet new friends! Explore new planets! And avoid having to recognize any of the four endings of Mass Effect Three!

Also:
• We Discuss What Games Are BioWare Games For Five Minutes
* Jim Banks Hates Chris Isaak
* The Adventures of Young Sheev
* You Likka The Bigga Breasts
* Touch Dadddy's Special Rock
* TOO FAT FOR SPACE


This Week: Play Mass Effect: Andromeda until you head to the mysterious planet of Eos!
Next Week: "Johnny, for notes say we’ll play some of trail of hope, not all of it. I haven’t pinpointed yet. But I there’s a point when you can choose which planet to go to first, I went to Vold. So maybe we’ll play Vold."


Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Jan 12, 2026

Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Part 6 - Hot Goth Peach
Square Roots - Episode 495

Quest Log: 0:40:45
Level Up: 1:44:10

Finally the game has someone for Matt, and it's Hot Goth Peach. She gets a real Legend makeover and turns all dark and pale and evil and even decapitates someone! This is a very weird Mario game. 

Also:
• Matt Raw Dogs New Shirts
• Cyclops Earns Scott Points
• The Digital One Has No Hole
• Great Vanessa Representation
• Partial Professor Betrayal


This Week: Finish the game!
Next Week: We're playing Mass Effect: Andromeda! Play until you establish the first outpost.


Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com


Season 77
Ep 6

Jan 5, 2026

Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Part 5 - A Sticky, Yummy Accident
Square Roots - Episode 494

Quest Log: 0:30:30
Level Up: 1:44:30

We solve some train mysteries and rewrite train histories on this exciting episode of Square Roots! Mario can get bad ended as a ghost, so this is a pretty great chunker just by default. If the moon is for boys, then why is Peach there?

Also:
* Jim Accidentally Posts Pornography
* Vanessa Is Racist Against Goombas
* What Makes You Think This Toad Is A Sex Worker?
* Matt Has Been Attracted To A Lot Of Characters In This Game
* Toilet Games


This Week: Finish Chapter 6 and 7!
Next Week: Finish the game!


Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com


Season 77
Ep 5

Dec 22, 2025

Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Part 4 - Boat/Unboat
Square Roots - Episode 493

Quest Log: 0:30:22
Level Up: 1:29:20

The gang takes Mario a-treasure huntin' in this week's episode of Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door. We meet a new bomb friend, beat up a ghost skull, and get involved in more Plant People Crime Family Drama. We also meet Flavio, a rich character who has lived a whole life yet cannot achieve personhood due to the arbritrary constraints placed on him by Vanessa's narrow view of what a person should be.

Also:

  • Game awards chat and Street Fighter goss
  • Flavio is not a person and doesn’t deserve our respect
  • Vanessa wants to see a big Peach
  • Heavy Rain more like heavy number of showers
  • Jim, Matt, and Vanessa listen to John get lost in his old man memories of an old Nintendo thing
  • Matt blurs the lines between constructive and destructive criticism after he becomes the voice in all our heads
  • Billy Ray hates Johnny Brandon

This Week: Finish Chapter 5!
Next Week: Finish Chapter 7!


Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dec 15, 2025

The Square Roots Game of the Year Extravaganza
Square Roots - Episode 492


We ignore the idea that 2016 is ten years ago as we get to the end of 2025 and talk about the game of the year from the games we played for the podcast this year (from the main show) as well as our own 2025 game of the year choice!

* Good Queen Vanessascles 
* Huey Lewis and Other Hot Impressions and References
* Hot Guests Like Miss Piggy, George Lucas, Florence and the Machine and MORE!
* RACHEL SLURS IS NOT INVITED


This Week: Listen to our amazing Game of the Year episode!
Next Week: Finish Chapter 5 and all Rogueport Nonsense!


Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dec 8, 2025

Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Part 3 - RAWK HAWK!
Square Roots - Episode 491

Quest Log: 0:27:30
Level Up: 1:25:30

This week's episode of Square Roots is brought to you by The Glitz Pit, just off I-275 at Hillsborough Avenue. Bring your Switch, play some of Nintendo's beloved Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door along with Jim, Matthew, Vanessa and Johnny, and enjoy the jugs, mugs, suds and spuds as well as the best wings this side of Jacksonville! Don't worry if the glitter gets in your food, it's edible! 

Also:
* Rahul Kohli is Waiting in a Statue in the Desert 
* I Just Learned About this Marky Plier
* Vanessa is Granny Rags
* Yangus is Not From Dragon Quest VII
* Middle Aged Nebraskan Sorea
* Hooktail's Fetish Stuff


This Week: Finish Chapter 4!
Next Week: Finish Chapter 5 and do the post chapter Rogueport nonsense!


Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dec 1, 2025

Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Part 2 - Something For Everyone to Get Upset About  - Episode 490

This week we keep on keepin' on with Paper Mario. Did we finish Chapters 2 and 3 like we said we would? No. Will we do two chapters next ep? I don't have a lot of faith that we will, TBH, but we're gonna try. 

Also:

  • Madam Flurrie doesn't have nipples

  • Matt to Johnny and Vanessa: UGH.  

  • Punies commit genocide

and more! 

This Week: Finish Chapter 2!
Next Week: Finish Chapters 3 and 4!


Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Nov 24, 2025

Would You Eat This Bird Twenty Twenty Five
Square Roots - Thanksgiving Special

Quest Log: 0:02:00
Level Up: 1:06:00

We're not doing a real episode this week, we're doing a Thanksgiving Funebration! And going through the hottest birds of 2025, or at least from games we played in 2025. Probably. Johnny did a really great job running this game and there were no errors. Please comment exactly that previous statement at Vanessa, Jim and Matthew.


This Week: Have a great American Thanksgiving!
Next Week: Finish Chapter 3!


Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Nov 17, 2025

Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Part 1 - Sniff Her Feet
Square Roots - Episode 489

Quest Log: 0:31:00
Level Up: 1:43:54

Even with a lack of cheevos we still dive into Nintendo's Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door! We're all playing on Switch, but no matter if you're on that or Gamecube you can certainly play along. Just be prepared for Horny Nintendo.

Also:
* A Game For Babies With Good Attention Spans
* We Complain About One Drive Like A Couple of Boomers
* Why Are We Talking Like This
* Bowser Is A Job Creator
* Is Matt Goombing Right Now
* Hooktail's Fetish Stuff


This Week: Defeat Hooktail in Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door!
Next Week: Finish Chapter 3!


Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Nov 10, 2025

South of Midnight Part 3: ROUX WAS AHMED BEST?!
Square Roots - Episode 488

Quest Log: 0:16:57
Level Up: 1:12:28

Somehow, throughout this series, Jim, Matt and Vanessa never mentioned that the character Roux from Compulsion Games was played by Jar-Jar Binks, everyone's favourite Star Wars character. Or his actor, anyway, Ahmed Best.

Also:
* Matt and Jim Don't Know Where the Rockstar Headquarters Are
* Jim's Famous Matt Character
* A Scardey-Cat Fish
* Back to the Future is a Christmas Movie
* Onlyh Vanessa Knows the Facts of Life Theme

This Week: Finish the game!
Next Week: Defeat Hooktail in Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door


Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Nov 3, 2025

South of Midnight Part 2: Edgytainment 6-7
Square Roots - Episode 487

Quest Log: 0:23:15
Level Up: 1:34:15

We've got some exciting South of Midnight for you today! There's all sorts of terrifying stories of cryptids and social injustice! Matt loves Huggin' Molly. Jim's okay with spiders with people faces. 

Also:
* The Console Widows and rphams
* Halo on PlayStation 2
* Edgytainment 6-7
* Crash Tries To Join the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders

This Week: Finish Chapter 10!
Next Week: Finish the game!


Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Oct 27, 2025

South of Midnight Part 1: The Goose Is Hot
Square Roots - Episode 486

Quest Log: 0:20:30
Level Up: 2:15:30

We're taking a lil detour before doing the vote winner, Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door. That's right, Vanessa, Jim and Matthew are doing South of Midnight, the 2025 action platformer Xbox Sclusey. 

Also:
* The New Fourth Host, Dori
* Lil Baby Duck Face
* That Conflict That Listeners Love
* Dolly Parton Hair Sacrilege 
* Johnny's Lost in the Forest

This Week: Finish Chapter 5!
Next Week: Finish Chapter... 10?


Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Oct 20, 2025

Final Fantasy V Part 5: Gilgamesh is the best - Episode 485

Matt's writing the notes again this week and he's not good at it!

  • Uh... jokes!
  • Funny things that we say in the ep!
  • Gilgamesh is great, actually
  • Why is the best animation in the game hidden in the credits?
  • We finish Final Fantasy V
  • We announce the next game
  • And more! 

This Week: Finish Final Fantasy V!
Next Week: The first 7 chapters of South of Midnight!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Oct 13, 2025

Notes! I forgot to write notes! Uh... This week we talk more about Final Fantasy V. Did we finish the game?  No. But we're so close! Also, the vote winner for the next game is announced and then we decide maybe not to play it next. Just listen you'll see what I mean. 

This Week: End of Fork Tower
Next Week: ACTUALLY finish the game 


Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Oct 6, 2025

It's The Square News Newsbreak!
Square Roots - Episode 484

Level Up: 0:33:24

It's a Square News Newsbreak! Check out our hottest news on the EA Acquisition, Game Pass price hikes, and the death of Rock Band 4!

This Week: listen to our hot gaming goose!
Next Week: uhhhhhhhhhh matt says finish the game but just play around six hours


Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Sep 29, 2025

Final Fantasy V Part 2: "I've Got the Boom Boom, Pow: Boom Boom in Mario and Representations of Anti-Capitalist Sentiment"
Square Roots - Episode 483

Quest Log: 0:24:29
Level Up: 1:39:00

We get to ditch Cid and his subpar grandson and go to an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT planet. What's this planet called? Who knows. What was the other one called? Gaia? I think? Let's just call the new one Planet Galuf, and we don't exactly get a friendly greeting. But we meet some chocobos, set some trees on fire, and destroy the world's sacred crystals, like real heroes do.

Also:
* More Hot Gaming Goose
* STAN SMASH
* Bees Are My Mom Now
* Silent Hilf
* Vanessa's Weird Alex Mack Crush
* The Last of the Wind Dragons, by Vanessa

This Week: Watch the forest get burned!
Next Week: uhhhhhhhhhh matt says finish the game but just play around six hours


Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Sep 22, 2025

Final Fantasy V Part 2: MID
Square Roots - Episode 482

Quest Log: 0:37:15
Level Up: 1:39:00

Oh boy, this time on Final Fantasy V things are getting moving! We fail to save the crystals, some jerk is released, and we take a break to go to the library. IT'S ALL FOR FREE!

Also:
* HONK 
* Reasonable Randy Pitchford Quotes
* More like teddy oh yes
* ExDeez Nuts
* Bananas aren't Banana
* Future Matt and Future Vanessa

 

This Week: Play until we are blasted away by a force field!
Next Week: Finish things on the new planet! Unless it's too long. Then maybe something shorter.


Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Sep 15, 2025

Final Fantasy V Part 1: It's Not Gooning If You Don't Make The Face
Square Roots - Episode 481

Quest Log: 0:10:47
Level Up: 1:57:30

Look, we've got a Final Fantasy game with two cool dragons right upfront. Okay, technically, one is a sea serpent and one is a wyvern, but still. Does FFV blow its cool load early? In this chunker of Square's classic JRPG we explore its new, better translation, try to come to terms with its job system, and come across a king stuck halfway into a crystal room.

Also:
* Untamed Honours
* You Should Get Hired By Silent Hills, Inc.
* Baby Four Eyes
* I Love A Very Clean Man In A Waistcoat
* A Reverse Rookie of the Year
* That Man Needs To Be Taken To A Hospital

 

This Week: Defeat the Liquid Flame in the Fire Powered Ship in Final Fantasy V!
Next Week: Play until we are blasted away by a force field!


Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

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