Square Roots - Episode 417
It's the end of Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth and ALL OUR TAKES ARE SO HOT! Was this game good? Bad? Did it stick the landing? What the hell happened? Listen and find out!
Also:
- Love Yord Fandlar
- Long Pants Get Real Hot
- Chadley Is The Architect
- Aerith Did A Sliders
- A Pride Portal
- The Shell Houses Were Iconic
- Aerith's Throat Tattoo

This Week:  Finish Final Fantasy VII Rebirth!
Next Week: Complete Blood Ties and find out where your Dad went in Megaton in Fallout 3!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
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Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots - Episode 416
Either this chapter has a HUGE CHANGE THAT PUTS EVERYTHING INTO A BRAND NEW CONTEXT or it has A VERY MINOR CHANGE THAT DOESN'T REALLY CHANGE ANYTHING and depending on who you listen to you may feel it's one or the other. So what is it? You'll have to play through Chapter 13 to find out!
Also:
- Advent Children: Scotch and Kotch
- It's like Sharpening A Pencil
- The Return of Leslie, The Boy With The Hat
- The Irish Riddler
- Miss Remember

This Week:  Finish Chapter 13, Where Angels Fear To Tread!
Next Week: Finish Final Fantasy VII Rebirth!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
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Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots - Episode 415
For once the game has some respect for you as you have to search for Dio and a stuffed robocat on this music-filled episode of Square Roots. Aerith drops her single, Jessie does interpretive dance, and Don Corneo's hype men bring early 90s bad TV commercial rapping realness.
Also:
- The Horse Heresy
- Blah Blah Blah Versus Crab Claws
- ...Beehicle?
- Motorboat Yon Tiddies
- Vanessa Tuba Heckles Wedge's Funeral
- Like Something On Modern Family
- Oh, Chadley's in this?
- Francis Ford Coppola Weird Dracula Levels Of Hot Armour
- No Fam, She Was Not Lit

This Week: Finish Chapter 12, A Golden Key!

Next Week:  Finish Chapter 13, Where Angels Fear To Tread!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
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Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth Part 9 - Li'l Grape Nuts
Square Roots - Episode 414
Teacher Jim's gone so it's party time on this episode of Square Roots! In this chunker of Final Fantasy VII we head to Nibelheim and find things a little less burnt than anticipated. 
Also:
- 
- A Whole Lot of X-Men '97 Talk
- Vanessa Is Too Lazy To Send 400,000 Emails
- Man Has Been Awoken By Long White-Haired Femboys
- This Bird's Power Is Piss
- Taft Is A Big Boi
- Who'd They Make The Giant Pancakes For Then?
- I'm Gonna Have To Kiss That Dog

This Week: Finish Chapter 11, The Long Shadow of Shinra!
Next Week:  Finish Chapter 12, A Golden Key!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
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Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth Part 8 - Oh No Sweetie, You're Very Stupid
Square Roots - Episode 413
Oh boy! Another memorable chunk of Final Fantasy VII expanded, broadened, padded and filled in ways both good, great and kinda okay. Some of us don't like the birds. Some of us love the birds. Meanwhile, Aerith grabs the mic at a Planetology conference, Red XIII turns into an anime protagonist, and Bugenhagen is kind of a jerk.
Also:
- Tokyo Ghost Drift
- Shoving Your Gayness Down Jim's Throat
- Wedge's Hereditary Smash Cut
- Reeve's Resume
- Let's Talk About Soul Reaver
- Piano Man Came Out 75 Years Ago Today
- #HotBroads
- Return of the Nerds

This Week: Finish Chapter 10, Watcher of the Vale!
Next Week:  Finish Chapter 11, The Long Shadow of Shinra!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
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Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots - Episode 412
On this week's episode of Square Roots we explore the Gongaga region of Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth and have one serious question: Did Aerith go to school? She couldn't, right? Because she was in Hojo jail? Was she home schooled? Was she Hojome schooled? We've got the answers for you, so listen and find out!
Also:
- Yet More Godzilla Movie Talk
- Colour and Seduction
- Reactors Are For Boys
- Is That Bronco Tiny?
- More Crisis Core Lore Drops
- He Ate That Bird

This Week: Finish Chapter 9, The Planet Stirs!
Next Week:  Finish Chapter 10, Watcher of the Vale!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots - Episode 411
It's Vanessa's favourite part of the game, and you can easily see why: there's dance battles! Flexing bears! Spooky ooky hotels! Pretend ghosts! Mass shootings! Even more minigames! With Vanessa as this game's hype-woman, how could it go wrong?
Also:
- Matthew Bad
- Twink-Petitors
- The Ultimate Cancellation
- Galaxy Rangers Is Just Star Fox
- Fremen, Short for Frenchmen

This Week: Finish Chapter 8, All That Glitters!
Next Week:  Finish Chapter 9, The Planet Stirs!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots - Episode 410
If she only could, Yuffie'd make a deal with Cloud, and they would swap their places. She'd be running up that road, running up that hill, with no problems. Come on, Tifa. Come on, Aerith. Let her steal this materia from you now. But Cloud is too busy with a little headache from the green static of repressed memories to listen, and but at least they can exchange the experience (points).
Also:
- Sweebos!
- I don't Think It's Happiness Good Times
- They WRote This In the Recording Studio
- Superman Entered the Speed Force
- That's Sahz's Thing

This Week: Finish Chapter 7, What We Left Behind!
Next Week:  Finish Chapter 8, All That Glitters!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots - Episode 408
Shine, shine! It's bald time. Finally us bald folks can see ourselves represented on screen in this rhythm game packed chunker of Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth! Plus you can finally donate to a non-Patreon related Matt bank account for some reason and solve a challenging boat puzzle.
Also:
- Paid in Beefaroni
- Bring me pictures of Truman Capote!
- Matt the Grumpy Libertarian
- Is Japan the Idaho of the world?
- Dasmalchian Syndrome

This Week: We finish Chapter 4!
Next Week:  We reach Mt. Corel!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
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Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots - Episode 407
Johnny's out so it's another All-American episode, full of America's favourite passtimes: ball punching! Very long X-Men tangents! Chadley! Boob punching? 
Also:
- Midwest Emo
- Wrench Cheeseburger
- Who's Galactica's Mom?
- More Like Pottycast
- "I love living in Rocket Town!" Vs "Fuck Shinra!"
- Chadley in a Wig

This Week: We finish Chapter 3!
Next Week:  We finish Chapter 4!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
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Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots - Episode 406
Square Roots plays a totally new game! Okay, not TOTALLY new. Some of it is a quarter century old. But it's somewhat new! And it just came out! This is different! This is strange! Change is bad! But we're rolling with it. So we are playing Square Enix's Final Fantasy VII Rebirth, and get through the Nibelheim Incident in Chapter 1 and Matt tries to make Sluttiroth happen.
Also:
- Bones Knitting
- Avengers Persona Game For Grownups 😉
- A Perfect Pooping Game
- Sexual Tension Causing Electrical Interference
- Want To Go Walkies, Pup?
- Sean Connery Wishes He Was That Beefy

This Week: We finish Chapter 1 in Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth, a totally old and classic RPG
Next Week:  We finish Chapter 3.

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
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Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Bayonetta Part 3 - A Pair of Dorks
Square Roots - Episode 405
Johnny doxes everyone in this eventful episode of our Bayonetta playthrough! We finish the game. Questions are answered, except maybe the question "is Bayonetta her own mother?" as Matt refuses to listen to any answer other than "yes". Also finally Johnny is cancelled.
Also:
- More Like Baldur's Gay
- Is Less Than Jake Better Than Ezra?
- Jim's Withering Looks to Camera
- The Opposite of Gay Panic Is Lesbian Love
- Mountain Dew Is Water
- A Lot of Torpedo Talk

This Week: We finish Bayonetta!
Next Week:  We finish Chapter 1 in Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth, a totally old and classic RPG

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots - Episode 404
The Bayonetta loving will continue until podcast output improves. In this glamorous episode of Bayonetta, we feel like f***ing celebrities as we're recognized by weird angel statue robots with Mystery Science Theatre tube arms.  And Matt paraphrases an email!
Also:
- Solid Mike and Naked Mike
- An Unpaid Ad for Canva
- Nothing Wrong With Using A Parasol To Hit Enemies
- Every Game Has To Go To Space
- Life Is Like A Passing Breeze

This Week: We finish Chapter XI in Bayonetta
Next Week:  We finish Bayonetta!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme!
You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
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Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Bayonetta Part 1 - Lethal Weapon Joe Pesci
Square Roots - Episode 403

Hooray! Everyone is loving Bayonetta! Sure, Vanessa is off due to injury and Matthew may be loving it only under duress, but that's good enough. Because loving Bayonetta is MANDATORY. And this week we start out the Platinum Games classic and learn all about the lore of the Lumen Sages, Umbra Witches, and just how close a video game camera can get inside a human body.
Also:
- Matt Is Rinoa's Mom
- Superman is a Big Man
- Blurays Can Only Hold So Much Data
- Dollar Store Vin Diesel
- Bayonetta's Dumpy Link Outfit

This Week: We finish Chapter V in Bayonetta
Next Week:  We finish Chapter XI in Bayonetta

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots - Episode 402
Finally, truly, we are in the age of Dragons. And we've really finished Dragon Age: Inquisition. Sure, we rolled credits last episode, but this one has Super Credits, with extra special Cassandra narration! Plus we may or may not lose a fan favourite character in this chunker, depending on your choices.
Also:
- No Spiders Man or Lasts of Us
- Senshi Upskirt Shots
- Weird Christopher Eccleston Hate
- Passing Notes in Class
- Invernerable Draygons

This Week: We Finish Trespasser
Next Week:  We finish Chapter V in Bayonetta

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots - Episode 401
I don't know how else to say it, but this episode should be kept far from your little ones. Why? Gazzie talk. Just. Lots of gazzie talk. Gazzies everywhere. Wall-to-wall gazzies. I swear that we've got it out of our system and next week you won't ever hear the word Gazzie again.
Also:
- Sony Has to Make A Game About Miserable People Watching Their Friends Die
- Everyone's Favourite Character, Krattos
- I Just Made Her Sleep With Alistair Once
- Your Favourite Bull's Chargers: Krem, Rocky, Big Builder, Darren the Finance Guy, Blippi, Sally Jenkins, Flooz, Ma Gratton, and of course Gazzie.
- Dude, Look At These Horns
- The Qunari Do The Cut
- Brolas

This Week: We Finish the Main Story
Next Week:  We Finish Trespasser

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots - Episode 400 
We interrupt this season of Square Roots for a very special 400th episode in which we talk about the ups and downs of our nerdy lives since 2016, and constantly try not to get mired in talking about politics. THEN THE ROBOTS ARRIVE!
Also:
- The Rootin' Rootin' Cowboy!
- BLEEP BLOOP GIVE ME THE SLOOP!
- Johnny Has A Stupid Game!

This Week: We Have A Bonus Time Fun Time
Next Week:  We Finish the Main Story
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
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Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots - Episode 399
Uh oh, it seems like something has turned Johnny into beserker mode, where he's all fists and elbows. And that is Bianca. Johnny goes red-pill in the face of destroyed head canon in this terrifying episode of Square Roots as we drink from the Well of Sorrows.
Also:
- Could You Sing That Like Dio?
- Ghosts Have Birthdays
- King Shark, Doo-doo-de-doo-doo
- Jim's Secret Fruit Roll-Ups Stash
- A Don Knotts Moment
- Our Pitch for Frankenmommy

This Week: What Pride Has Wrought (And Crestwood, Romances, Companions)
Next Week:  We Finish the Main Story
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots - Episode 398
There's mystery afoot as Johnny, Matthew and eventually Vanessa battle some possessed Wardens and fall into the Fade on this magical chunker of Dragon Age: Inquisition. Plus a battering ram shaped like a fist! 
Also:
- Abblegation
- Too Good Of A Singer
- Countess Undercut
- Who Is Celine Dion
- 100% Nude Cullen Unlocked

This Week: Here Lies the Abyss
Next Week:  What Pride Has Wrought (And Crestwood, Romances, Companions)
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
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Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots - Episode 397
Finally we close the breach, and everything is perfect. Except that that dang ol' Corypheus has to go and ruin it all with a demon dragon and one of two possible henchpeople. Meanwhile Jim decides to start the internet hashtag goof of the decade!
Also:
- Just arctic 
- Jodie Pasta and Jane Fondue
- Talking in hushed whispers
- Far dragon age future is mass effect 
- Oil of Orlais
- I'm with Crypheus
- Random references to people in Canada 
- The Slow Clap Song

This Week: Complete Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts.
Next Week:  Here Lies the Abyss
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
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Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots - Episode 396
It's a PATRIOTS ONLY podcast. Our three hosts are RED, WHITE and BLUE. And these colours aren't busy at work. On this AMERICANS ONLY episode of Square Roots the fierce flag smoochers talk about what's up with the Templars mission Champions of the Just and recruit Vivienne, Iron Bull, Blackwall and Vanessa's nemesis Sera.
Also:
- Bronnie Jandon Is Always Ready For A Kiss
- The Merits of Showing Hole
- A Pooltergeist
- Have You Tried Equipping A Better Weapon?
- Half of Earth Is France

This Week: Recruit Sera, Vivianne, Blackwall, and Iron Bull plus complete either the Mages or the Templar’s quest (In Hushed Whispers or Champions of the Just)
Next Week:  Complete Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots - Episode 395
You've got to hand it to the Herald: their hand certainly is glowy, and has superpowers too! In this gripping first chunker of BioWare's Dragon Age: Inquisition we close gates to the fade, meet a horse man, stare at chest hair, and leave the hinterlands as soon as Solas tells us to, because we wouldn't want to disappoint Vanessa's dream elf.
Also:
- Carol Vorderman's Math Skills
- A Naturalist, Not a Naturist
- How Many Games Make Your Mom Turn Into A Frankenstein?
- Vanessa Makes A Terrible Declaration
- A Freudian Digression

This Week: We watch an old lady get punched in the face in Val Royeaux
Next Week:  Recruit Sera, Vivianne, Blackwall, and Iron Bull plus complete either the Mages or the Templar’s quest (In Hushed Whispers or Champions of the Just)
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy I Part 2 - Cozy Goodtimes
Square Roots - Episode 394
Don't you just love having legs? You can waggle them, you can crisscrossapplesauce them, they have leg hands! And we use our JRPG legs through all the long walks and long dungeons of this limb-filled Square Roots episode ending our Final Fantasy I season. Just two episodes? You better believe it.
Also:
- Advent Children Chose The Most Boring Option
- Ouroboros Burgertime
- His Name Is Tyler
- Magical Canoe of Destiny
- Special Apologies to Appalachia

This Week: We Finish Final Fantasy 1!
Next Week:  Dragon Age Inquisition - End of Val Royeaux 
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Hello friends! It's The Holiday Wintertime Goodtime Week so we are off carousing, carolling, controlling and blu cantrelling, and not podcasting. 

But that doesn't mean you can't have this fresh piece of Square Roots fruitcake from our archive! We watch the NPH 80s retro feature and give you our HOTTEST takes. Enjoy!

This Week: We watch a movie! About video games!
Next Week:  We Finish Final Fantasy 1!
Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!
Twitter: @squarerootspod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com